SOMEbody needs a manicure!
Dawn EllnerSOMEbody needs a manicure!

Forget stamp collecting: A Minnesota guy stockpiled almost 3,200 gopher feet in his freezer, ready to collect the $3-a-pair reward for killing the local pests this winter — which would’ve amounted to a tidy $4,794. But a local mother and son, 37-year-old Tina Marie Garrison and 18-year-old Junior Lee Dillon, stole the feet first:

The [gopher feet] owner contacted local townships that offer rewards for gophers to keep down their numbers and found Dillon had turned in $1,014 in feet in November. In December, Garrison turned in $3,780 in feet.

Can we just take a sec and think about HOW GROSS it would be to behead befoot 1,600 gophers? “Oh hi, Bob. Just let me put away my Barbie guillotine!”

The pair was charged with felony receiving stolen property and theft, as well as gross misdemeanor receiving stolen property and theft. The mom pleaded not guilty; her son’s trial is July 29. The story gets better — the thieves were friends with the original gopher-killer:

When interviewed later in December, Dillon … said he knew about the missing feet because he was in the owners’ house frequently.

So keep your friends close and your gopher feet closer.

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