The risk that potatoes might be restricted in school lunches sent Stephen Colbert into a twitching, shouting anxiety spiral. But all is well, Stephen — your tater tots will remain unmolested! The Senate voted down a measure that would have limited starchy vegetables to one cup per student per week. ("Starchy vegetables" includes corn. Just saying.)

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Sen. Mark Udall of Colorado did point out that the problem isn't potatoes, or corn or peas or lima beans (also starchy vegetables) — it's the fact that schools prepare all of those by deep-frying them and/or adding butter. Which means the reprieve on Stephen's tots may only be temporary.

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