A green gift-giving guide for all the folks on your holiday list

Are you the type who puts off holiday shopping until the last minute, makes a guilt-ridden and miserable foray to the mega-mall, and comes home with bags full of junk that nobody wants? Well, this year, turn over a new bough. We’ve got suggestions of eco-gewgaws for everyone on your list.

The Trendy Clotheshorse

• Eco jeans. Expanding the jean pool.
• Vegan footwear. Natalie Portman is a fan. ‘Nuff said.
• Clothing made from hemp, bamboo, or recycled materials. Cotton is tres 2005.

The Sports Fanatic

• Tickets to the 2006 World Cup or Winter Olympics. U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
• Bottles of organic beer or a brew-your-own kit. Beer and ‘ball go hand in hand.
• A bamboo bike, skateboard, or baseball bat. Der baseballschläger, da!

The Self-Righteous Enviro

• A donation to offset their carbon footprint. Don’t forget to account for methane emissions!
• A goat. No, seriously.
• Nothing. Consumption is evil.

The Anti-Enviro

• Fair-trade, shade-grown, organic coffee — or all three in one! With the label removed, of course.
• Biodegradable golf balls and tees. They’ll never know the difference.
• Gift card to an eco-friendly retailer. Force them to shop green. Mwa-ha-ha-ha!

The Pet-Obsessed

• Natural pet food. For Fluffy’s discerning palate.
• Toys and accessories. Aw, such a pwitty wittle pookie muffin …
• Natural pet cleaning supplies. For when pwitty wittle pookie muffin shits on the bed.

The College Student

• Cleaning supplies or a green maid service. Those dorm rooms, ew …
• CSA subscription. The caf just ain’t cuttin’ it, yo.
• Flexcar membership. So they’ll stop borrowing your car.

The Hipster

• Solar charger. That’s hot.
• Wicked sweet wheels. The ultimate accessory.
• Hemp-and-recycled-rubber handbags. How … handy!

The Angsty Teen

• Two tickets for a concert that gives back to the planet. No, you’re not invited — that’d be so embarrassing.
• Downloads from a climate-neutral music service. They can be in tune with the earth while tuning out the world.
• Eco-friendly hair color, eye makeup, and lipstick. All in black, of course.

The Pint-Sized Enviro

• Adopt an animal. Maybe then they’ll stop whining for a real pet.
• Eco art supplies. So they’ll scribble in a coloring book and not on your walls.
• Non-toxic toys. We hear toys are a hot new thing this holiday season.

The Significant Other

• Flowers, chocolates, and a girl’s best friend. Aw, you shouldn’t have. But good thing you did.
• Dinner for two. Wine ‘em and dine ‘em, we always say.
• Dessert. Yum, yum.

Everyone on Your List

• Donation to Grist in their name. You’ll be the most popular gift-giver ever!

Got more green gift ideas? Do tell! Comment on our blog, Gristmill.