As we have discussed before in these pages, birds are basically dinosaurs, which is both scary and amazing. But when one of those dinosaurs is sticking its head in your crotch looking for treats, the needle tends to tick over into “scary” territory. Oh sure, this video seems funny now, but imagine it with horror movie music!

If you’re particularly soft-hearted, you may be thinking, “Why doesn’t that girl just give the poor bird some treats?” But please try to remember that a) emus are genuinely assholes, b) she’s being particularly ginger with this guy, who’s clearly seen worse (sample aversive technique: “Come on, man”), and c) DINOSAUR UP IN YOUR BUSINESS. In any event, it’s worth watching all the way to the end for the “water moccasins.”

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