This time-lapse footage shows yesterday’s deadly tornado going from a neat, eerie-looking funnel to a giant clusterfuck of wind and destruction. It’s pretty stunning, but still easier to watch than pictures of lost dogs or decimated homes.

Part of the reason this tornado was so destructive is that it was on the ground for 40 minutes — many tornados only touch down for a fraction of that time. It was also unusually large and fast, though not the largest or fastest the country has ever seen. Watching the video won’t necessarily give you a sense of the scale, because the scale is almost unimaginable (the tornado was up to two miles wide — the best description I read said “the size of Chelsea,” though that’s only really helpful to people familiar with New York). But it does give you some idea of how chaotic it must have been.

Pack up your temperature sensors, your climate-modeling supercomputers, your tree and ice core sample equipment. Sarah Palin has spoken on climate change, and she says it’s snowing in Alaska, ergo “global warming my gluteus maximus,” Q.E.D. And you know it’s science because she used the Latin word for “ass.”

Prescient Palin only ever backs winning horses like John McCain, Bristol and Levi’s marriage, and her own gubernatorial career, so if she says climate science is a non-starter then by god, we’re just going to throw in the towel. At least until we can get Obama to take inspiration from this completely real and not made up British law:

I suppose if anyone could inspire him to criminalize this kind of idiocy, it’s La Palin.

Nutella is essentially a perfect food — delicious, no HFCS, delicious, full of natural ingredients, and fucking delicious. OK, yes, it has palm oil and is packed to the lid with (mostly unsaturated!) fat, but you make some compromises in the name of pure spreadable joy. Unfortunately, if you had any ideas about celebrating this superfood on World Nutella Day, Feb. 5, pack them in — Ferrero, the company that makes the stuff, has insisted that the organizers cease and desist. Oh Nutella, why won’t you let us love you? 

Sarah Rosso, the principal organizer of World Nutella Day, says she received a letter from Ferrero demanding that she stop using the Nutella name and logo. Since it’s a little hard to celebrate Nutella without using the word “Nutella,” that essentially spells death for any sort of World Day. Rosso, who described the letter as “a bit of a surprise and a disappointment,” will have to shut down her Facebook page, Twitter, and website — or, I guess, make them into blind items. “World Day to Celebrate An Unnamed Hazelnut Spread” doesn’t have as much of a ring, but at least it’s not actionable.

Anyway, some people are pretty pissed about this, calling Ferrero “crazy,” “idiots,” and “just plain stupid” on the World Nutella Day Facebook page. But what are we gonna do? As Betabeat said, “We’d call for a boycott of Nutella, but we all know it’s not physically possible.”

In this video for the Nature Conservancy, rapper Macklemore explains how municipal green space in his home city of Seattle influenced his career: He and his friends didn’t want to kick it at their parents’ houses, so they went and freestyled in parks. (Side note: Do people really still say “kick it,” or is Macklemore even older than I am?) We knew, of course, that Macklemore was into creative reuse, but who knew he had so many ideas about urban infrastructure? 

The moral here is clear: Want more rappers? Make more parks. It’s just science.

Texas had some absolutely bonkers weather yesterday, not just extreme but downright deadly and dangerous. At least six people were killed and dozens injured by a tornado that ripped through the town of Granbury. But maybe the most visually stunning evidence of the storm is this photo of giant hailstones, taken by Melissa Penny in Mineral Wells, Texas.

I’m not sure any of these particular hailstones are grapefruit-sized — I’d say maybe clementine, peach, heirloom tomato, pluot, and nectarine (clockwise from top). But Weather Underground crosses its heart and swears that some of the hailstones were “as large as grapefruit.” And honestly, I wouldn’t want even a pluot-sized hailstone crashing into my garden, car, or head.

Sure, you can make your prom dress out of soda can pull tabs, but will they help you open any soda cans? They will not. And maybe you could hang bread bags off your bread bag tie wedding dress, but it doesn’t even look like this lady is trying. A Ziploc baggie jacket, though? That’s stylish AND practical. Use it to complete your outfit, use it to hold your lunch.

We don’t know much about this masterpiece except that it was made by a woman named Diane, whose friend Jaya posted it to Tumblr. For a minute we were worried that the sandwich was vacuum-sealed in there for good, but it clearly consists of functioning bags, since they have different contents in each photo. The only problem: coordinating your snacks with the rest of your clothing.

The Formosan clouded leopard, a subspecies of clouded leopard native to Taiwan, has probably been extinct for decades. But in the weird red-tape world of species extinction, it doesn’t count until scientists make it official. After 13 years of searching with no leopards in evidence, though, researchers are having to reluctantly conclude that this Taiwanese subspecies is no more.

There are still clouded leopards in the world — the main species is considered vulnerable, but there are around 10,000 in the wild and a couple hundred in zoos. Of course, it never pays to underestimate humanity’s ability to wipe out beautiful creatures, even the ones we haven’t gotten around to yet. But for now, at least, we have pictures like this one, to ease the blow of having to say goodbye to yet another type of animal.

Are you sure it’s not Monday? It still feels like Monday. This sleep-deprived duckling thinks so.

This panda managed to get out of bed, but is having a hard time making it any further.

And this pitbull is trying admirably hard to accomplish his goals, but … well.

The good news: If you can wake up, climb stairs, and pick up a stick today, you’re doing better than at least three creatures in existence.

How do we know that polar bear populations are declining? Obviously, because someone went and counted the polar bears. And if you’re willing to (temporarily) move to the Svalbard Islands, located between Norway and the North Pole, that someone could be you.

The Svalbard Islands have more polar bears than people — 3,000 bears to 2,400 humans — so it may be that the governor is advertising for a polar bear spotter not out of scientific interest, but out of concern. (Actually, according to Google Translate the job announcement says it’s “in connection with the documentation of hunting cabins,” but it also says “we need polar bears for a three-week period” so perhaps the translation is not an expert one.) Whether you’re counting the bears or just keeping an eye on them, though, you’ll need good eyesight, experience working outdoors, the ability to shoot a gun, and a loud voice for scaring bears so you don’t have to shoot a gun. You also need “satisfactory conduct,” though I’m not sure how often that overlaps with outdoorsiness, loud voices, and firearm expertise.

Is this the job for you? Well, it’s only three weeks long, but it starts on July 8, which means you’d be in the Arctic Circle at the best possible time to be in the Arctic Circle. It pays the equivalent of about $60,000 per year, so … like $3,500 for three weeks? That’s not bad for a summer gig. And sure, there’s a small risk of being eaten by a polar bear, but no job is perfect. Sign me up.

West Side Rag reports that this unfortunate driver tried to get to New Jersey by turning west onto the stairs leading down to Riverside Park. The pedestrian stairs. Because cars can’t climb stairs. Which you know, and I know, but apparently this guy and more importantly his GPS did not know.

Honestly, he would have been SOL even if he could get the car down into the park, because between Riverside Park and New Jersey there is also a river. Hence the name. Can we find out what GPS or mapping app this driver was using, so I can avoid it for the rest of my life?

Here is a conversation I just had about how to headline this piece:

Me: “Local Man Dumb.”

My cousin’s fiancée: NOT LOCAL

Me: He is now! He’s not going anywhere.

My cousin: “Temporarily Local Man Permanently Dumb.”

Goodnight, everybody! And, uh, be careful getting home.