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Jess Zimmerman's Posts

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Zebras are finally taking their revenge on humans

angry_zebra
Nathan Rupert

Oh, you probably thought zebras were just docile, pleasant horsies that enjoyed dressing like a smarmy playboy's sheet set, huh? Well joke's on you, because apparently they've been biding their time waiting to avenge themselves on humans for threatening their species and putting them in captivity. The first volley: A zebra at the National Zoo bit a zoo staffer this morning, who had to be rushed to the hospital.

Read more: Living

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Watch a banker rescue baby ducklings as they fall from a ledge

Somehow we missed this 2009 video, in which banker Joel Armstrong stands under a ledge catching ducklings as they jump off, helping them safely to the ground, and finally rescuing the stragglers with a ladder and helping them through the city streets to the river.

Read more: Living

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Get paid $100 a day and improve your city by writing reviews of public bathrooms

toilet_stalls
Jessamyn West

Of all the city-navigation sites and apps available -- the ones that tell you where to eat, the ones that plot your bike route, the ones that tell you when the next train is coming -- none is more likely to improve your New York experience than ToiletFinder.com, the site that tells you where to find a public toilet and how gross it's likely to be. (You think I'm exaggerating? Sit around and age for a while, then get back to me.) And now, you can apply to make ToiletFinder even better -- and earn some cash -- by becoming a professional bathroomologist.

ToiletFinder currently features user reviews, like a kind of poop Yelp. But founder Michael Li has decided to class up the joint by hiring a professional writer to scour New York's public pee spots. He's offering $100 a day plus a share of Google AdSense profits for the successful candidate, who must be funny, college-educated, and willing to be a little disgusting. (And even if you don't get the gig, he says he'll pay $20 for a good review.) 

Read more: Cities

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Researchers kill oldest living animal to verify it’s the oldest living animal

ming_clam
Bangor University

This is Ming the clam. It's 507 years old -- or anyway, it was 507 years old in 2006, when researchers who suspected it might be impressively ancient got kind of carried away trying to figure out just how old it was, and killed it. It's like an O. Henry story, but with bivalves.

Read more: Living

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There’s another dolphin trapped in a Brooklyn waterway

nypd_dolphin
NYPD

We've long said that dolphins are assholes, and now, we know exactly what kind of assholes they are: the kind of hipster assholes who just can't stay out of Brooklyn. They keep sneaking into the borough in search of artisanal sardines, tight tail-pants, and retro blowhole tattoos, and then getting caught in various Brooklyn waterways. The latest infiltrator: A dolphin stuck in a creek in Coney Island, probably on his way to a Joss Whedon-themed burlesque show.

Read more: Cities

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Heavily polluted Beijing now has 8-year-old lung cancer patient

beijing_smog
AnimaSuri

In Beijing, the city whose air is so polluted it can make a 1,000-foot skyscraper invisible behind a wall of smog, an 8-year-old girl is now being treated for lung cancer. She's the youngest lung cancer patient in China. But don't worry, says the hospital treating her -- it has nothing to do with the city's dirty air! She probably just smokes too much.

Read more: Cities

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Rescued turtle can walk again thanks to a LEGO wheel prosthesis

schildi

Schildi the turtle had a badly infected leg when he was rescued, and vets had to amputate it to save his life. But never fear, because they rebuilt him, better, stronger, and ... probably much less fast, but really, he's a turtle, how fast was he going to be.

Schildi now sports a LEGO wheel prosthesis, which is glued to his lower shell.

Read more: Living

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Three-eyed crab is almost certainly a harbinger of the Apocalypse

blinky_crab
Gerhard Scholtz, Peter K. L. Ng, and Stephen Moore

Gerhard Scholtz, a researcher from the Humboldt University of Berlin, found a three-eyed crab while on an expedition to New Zealand. We're gonna go ahead and call that an early sign of the end times. Next up: three-eyed human sacrifice, three-eyed dogs, and three-eyed cats living together, mass hysteria.

Actually, unlike the three-eyed fish we wrote about a few years ago, this crab may not actually be a pollution-related mutant.

Read more: Living

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Everybody managed to not get killed during the first five months of New York’s bikeshare

citi_bike
Oran Viriyincy

The New York Times is reporting that Citi Bike, New York's new bikeshare program, has now been operating for five months without a fatality. On the one hand, this is a little suspicious; yeah, five is a salient number when you're working in base 10, but for months, it's traditional to count in groups of six or 12. It's as if the Times feels antsy about holding off for another whole month before sharing the news that nobody died -- who knows what could happen by then? On the other hand, though, yay, five months fatality-free! Apparently New York City is a little less terrible for cyclists than many of us thought.

Read more: Cities

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Look don’t panic but apparently sometimes bananas are full of venomous baby spiders

We're gonna be nice and not make you look at spiders but this is what to look out for, OK?
Alf
We're gonna be nice and not make you look at spiders but this is what to look out for, OK?

We're not saying that if YOU buy a bunch of bananas at the store, they'll be full of dozens of poisonous spider babies. We're just saying that happened to this one lady. No, not our friend's cousin's teacher -- an actual lady who was written about in the news.

Her name is Consi Taylor, and she lives in London and shops at the British supermarket chain Sainsbury's -- or at least, she used to, though she probably never will again. That's because, as she was recently munching on a Sainsbury's banana, she realized that it had a spot of white mold ... and then seconds later realized that the mold spot was actually an egg sac full of dozens of tiny spiders. Possibly Brazilian wandering spiders, once named the world's most venomous by the Guinness Book of World Records.

Read more: Food