The grass is always greener on the other side of the Atlantic. And speaking of decorative planters: It’s O-O-O-bama!

Two buses diverged on a road, and I / I bit the driver of the one less traveled by / And that has made all the difference.

Keep your organic Super Bowl tees on, fellas: Skittish censors cock-brocc’d PETA’s steamed-vegetable ad.

Smokin’ hot

Does this dress make my butt look recycled?

Here’s the scoop

Can we rename an old Ben & Jerry’s flavor to honor a new president? Yes Pecan!

The full Vermonty

At the Miss America Pageant later this month, Miss Vermont will walk the stage in an eco-friendly hemp gown. And perhaps Miss Texas will carry a beef jerky purse.

Photo: Steve Legge/Image North Photography

Stick a cork in it

Make a miniature chair using just the corks, foil, and cages from two champagne bottles and you can enter this contest. Winners receive a person-size chair made from recycled materials — but everyone gets to drink two bottles of bubbly!

Norway or the highway

We’re not mad; we’re just very, very disappointed that these Norwegian eco-darlings don’t have American counterparts.

Or are you just soapy to see me?

Man Junk: “A line of organic shampoos for the discriminating scrotum.” Members only, please.

Eat your hat

Tried to go whole hog, but still have leftovers? Haberdash over to this site to save your bacon. Because “one always looks neat, in a hat made from meat.”

Elephant out of room

Hey Ranger, Coming 2 town. Meet 4 drink @ Babar? Got junk n the trunk, IYKWIM. I’ll never forget u. Luv, Elephant.

We’ll undertake ‘er

Feeling deathly ill? Rest in peace on one of these slightly used sofas. Sure, they were coffins in another life, but now they’re in a better place: your living room!

Love those British chicks

You can thank global warming for an abundance of great tits.

Roomba-ba black seep

Oil spills are no match for this human-sized Roomba. It’ll zoomba through the gloomba far better than a broomba, saving wildlife from doomba faster than you can say bada-boomba.

Thnks fr th GHGs

What will be the fallout from Pete Wentz and Co.’s green-themed flight to Antarctica? Tons of carbon, a Guinness record — and, quite possibly, emo copypenguins.

Just don’t hit eject

Overpopulation give you pause? Then give it pause, boys, with a remote control that halts sperm in its tracks. Perfect for dates on fast-forward — though it does involve microchipping your manhood. But did we mention the remote control?

A call to arms

If we had a band, we would call it Recycled Socktopus. And if we had a recycled socktopus, well, we’d buy one for everyone in the band.

Photo: friendsofsocktopus.com

Advert effects

Dear ad agencies of the world, why must you portray greenies as prostitute-hiring, adulterous murderers? As you can see from this TV spot, we are actually totally hip. Bright-color-wearing, techno-dancing, jean-ironing hip.

Strung out

The students at Allegheny College are on clothespins and needles worrying about climate change. So they’ve hung their cares underwears out to dry … hey, is that a Hood Thong?

Puddle stumper

This guy is really hitting the pavement to raise awareness about climate change; hope he doesn’t get in over his head.

Click, click, click

Up on the rooftop workers pause / Their contracts have a greening clause / Can’t go down while they’re employed / Energy savings will be enjoyed.

You’re killing us

We wouldn’t be caught dead in fur … but we also wouldn’t be caught dead in one of these.

Photo: PETA

Don’t tread on me

You thought the Segway was white and nerdy — just wait ’til you see the Treadmobile. “Now is the time to invest“; or, you could donate to something even funnier.

Obama mamas

Can we contribute to overpopulation with post-election celebration? Yes we can — literally.

Photo: tjroberts79

What’s shakin’, bacon?

James Bond likes to pig out on a breakfast that’s bacon, not stirred. While filming, the sizzling star would have no solace until he brought home the bacon. But he went from the frying pan to a fiery letter from PETA for trying to save his bacon. And those are all the bacon bits; we think we’ve gone whole hog.

All iPhone want for Christmas

Santa baby, slip an iPhone under the tree, for me. Think of all the shared rides I’ve missed, think of all the new trees that now would exist. Next year, I could be just green, if you’ll check off my iPhone app list.

Frown, you’re on candid camera!

Littering: $35. Plastic-bag use: $50. The world’s biggest batch of kimchi: priceless.

Flush with excitement

Responding to the call of nature World Toilet Day, we would like to point out that sanitation is an important environmental issue. Oh, who are we kidding — we just wanted to show you this vibrating toilet seat.

Cranberry sauced

We hate to ruffle any feathers, but due to our impending Tofurky hangover, Grist List will be canned next week. Your usual dose of puns and potty humor will return Dec. 5.