Sarah Miller

People obsessed with proving yetis exist find yeti fur in a cave

Whatever. We'll believe it when we see a real yeti.

5-hour Energy has been implicated in 13 deaths

Maybe they can turn it all into ethanol, like they did with Four Loko.

D.C. may soon be overrun with wild pigs

This is not a "Congress is back in session" joke.

Fart-eating underpants could do a lot for air pollution

Pretty soon we won't even have to bathe. We'll just walk around in our odor-absorbing clothes, giggling to ourselves that no one knows how disgusting we are.

Williams-Sonoma’s ‘Agrarian’ products take pretentious and self-satisfied to new heights

DIY the shit out of your life. Simultaneously inform all potential friends and suitors that you're annoying and probably just talk about food all the time.

Budweiser provided canned water for Sandy victims

This was particularly nice of them because it's so easy to make water jokes about their beer.

Antibiotic resistance can be spread via cow urine

Oh, that's all we needed: a new, grosser way for dosed-up livestock to spread antibiotic resistance.

Giant flamingo orgy will soon take place in Africa

Conditions are right in an alkaline lake in Tanzania for flamingos to have a big breeding season. We are rooting for them.

Scientists can use satellites to track how much raw sewage Sandy deposited in our waterways

Satellites are letting scientists know what happened to all the sewage from Hurricane Sandy. Which we need to know about, even though it's uh, crappy news.