Looks like Irene needs to lay off the strawberry Starburst.

If you’re one of those freaky health-obsessed people who worries about the fact that cows eat so much corn — what’s the big deal, it’s not like their genetic code has been manipulated to the point where it might cause horrible disease — you might be happy to know that cows are now eating candy instead.

They’re not going trick-or-treating (“I’m a water bison!”), and they’re not sneaking it out of the Special Naughty Drawer at night, either. Farmers are giving the candy to cows because the drought has raised corn prices to prohibitive levels.

You’re not going to have to wrestle cattle for your Rolos or anything; this is candy that’s no longer fit to go on store shelves. And it’s not just candy unfit to go on store shelves — it’s candy that is unfit to go on store shelves and has also, according to WPRI, been mixed with “an ethanol by-product and a mineral nutrient.” Yum?

Farmer/candy pusher Joseph Watson of Mayfield, Ky., who has put his livestock on this bovine anti-Atkins diet, said that so far his cows have been gaining weight and have no health problems. Except for the thing where green ones make you horny, but that’s a little less noticeable when you’re a cow.

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