First they came for the maple syrup, and I did not speak out, because I was not a maple syrup. Then they came for the walnuts, and now thieves have stolen 18 tons of chocolate, AND NOW IT IS PERSONAL.

This heist went down similarly to the walnut theft — a driver showed up to haul the chocolate away, but he turned out to be an impostor. That’s not as mysterious as the maple syrup disappearance, where 10 million pounds of the stuff just vanished overnight. But it’s still pretty impressive! I mean, we’re talking about like 200,000 s’mores, at LEAST.

The question is, what are these people planning? I mean, I find it totally implausible that there are somehow THREE bands of outlaws stealing sweets, even if one of these thefts was in Canada and one was in California and this latest one was in Austria. It makes much more sense to imagine that they are trying to create some kind of giant walnut maple sugar candy, and now they want a chocolate coating.

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