Editor’s note: This week Grist is celebrating the 10th anniversary of our Ask Umbra advice column. Today, we look at a few of the perplexingest questions our readers have ever sent. Losing sleep over a green conundrum? Ask Umbra.

10. How can I recycle my pencil stubs? In which Umbra suggests erase to the finish.

9. Does licking my dinner plate keep waste out of the landfill? If the stew fits.

8. Are condoms recyclable? At last, a tip we can get behind.

7. Can I recycle a beer bottle with a lime wedge in it? Your glass is totally smashed.

6. What’s the greenest method of disposing of a corpse? We’d reference Weekend at Bernie’s, but we don’t want to date ourselves.

5. Do hot air balloons hurt the environment? This one’s a real basket case.

4. Is chewing gum biodegradable? Ease your bubble troubles.

3. What is the half-life of glitter? For all you shiny, happy people.

2. Can a bird really burst into flames? Does a kangaroo have three vaginas? (Hint: You betcha.)

1. What are the average emissions from flatulence? Depends how many plates you lick.