Bachmann promises $2 gas, unicorns
When I was in the fourth grade I took a lot of crap for not voting for Ty for class president, because he said he would give us double recess and free ice cream. I found those claims doubtful, and also Ty was kind of a dick, so I didn't vote for him, but everyone else did and they made fun of me. What I'm saying is, if you believe Michele Bachmann's claim that she can get gas back under $2 a gallon, then you should break out your Bieber tee and your juice box, because you are essentially an eight-year-old with a peer pressure problem. And you're going to be waiting a long time for that ice cream.
Bachmann is stumping on the claim that she can make gas cheap again, perhaps by equipping cars with personal gas fairies:
“Under President Bachmann you will see gasoline come down below $2 a gallon again,“ Bachmann told a crowd Tuesday in South Carolina. “That will happen.“
Now, everyone with any interest in facts knows that increased drilling in the U.S. will have scant, if any, effect on fuel prices at the pump. So unless there was a sarcastic tone I'm missing ("yeah, that will happen"), Bachmann essentially claimed without qualifiers that she would either:
a) Go back in time, kill some dinosaurs with her bare hands, and bury them on American soil somewhere easy to access;
b) Completely negate price pressures on oil from catastrophic weather events and political unrest;
c) Drive the country into a debilitating recession;
d) Or all of the above.
The key, I suppose, is that these things will happen "under President Bachmann." Maybe even Bachmann finds that prospect so laughable that she can just stick any consequent after that antecedent. If Michele Bachmann becomes president, gas will be under $2 a gallon! If Michele Bachmann becomes president, the government will be powered by generators fueled with Tim Pawlenty's flop sweat! If Michele Bachmann becomes president, Benedict Cumberbatch will go on The Bachelor and I will compete and win his hand! PROVE ME WRONG.
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