"Oh, there's no way I'm that much of a hipster," you say. "Sure, I like to bike to my community garden to pick up some herbs to go with the eggs from my rooftop chicken coop while listening to Dave Roberts' latest music recommendation, but ironic facial hair for a bike — it's just a bridge too far." Bull crap. You know you want a handlebar mustache for your handlebars. Just go with it, they're only $5 for crying out loud.