Stephen Colbert has officially thrown his hat in the ring for definitely possibly considering a run for president. He’s already out-polling Jon Huntsman! So what kind of environmental policy platform could we expect from a President Colbert?

Well, for starters, no more EPA! Everyone knows pollution is a job-creator.

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Reverse the incandescent light bulb ban! Incandescent bulbs are American, macho, and anti-Communist.

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No dairy regulation! We have a right to get dysentery.

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School lunch overhauls: More tater tots and Wyyyyngzzz!

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Approve Keystone XL, because it will create literally septillions of jobs!

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Colbert does have one distinct advantage over all the other candidates except poor Huntsman, though: He believes in global warming.

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Just maybe not in thermodynamics.

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