Get excited: An expensive haven for organic-loving tattooed liberals* is opening in Brooklyn today! Or in plain language, a Whole Foods. A ginormous, 56,000-square-foot Whole Foods … with a vinyl record selection. Because late-20s would-be Lena Dunhams need something to round out the fair trade kumquat and organic french-fried onions in their basket.
[The store] will have a section devoted to vinyl records and reclaimed vinyl jewelry by Brooklyn-based Wrecords by Monkey, The New York Daily News said. “We really wanted Brooklyn to feel like this was their store,” the Daily News quoted a spokesman as saying. There will be frozen pizza from Roberta’s and vegan ice cream from Van Leeuwen Artisan Ice Cream.
No word on whether the store will also sell cronuts and shrines to Sloane Crosley.
It’s not (just) that we West Coasters love to judge Brooklynites — we’re worried about their health too, honest! Has John Mackey never heard “No vinyl; that’s final”? Sure, one can’t be a respectable, 25- to 35-year-old hipster without a record player, but making and disposing of records invokes a slew of phthalates, dioxin, and lead that can give you cancer and eff up your immune system. Buy used if you can — estate sales and thrift stores are hipper than getting your LPs at the grocery store anyway.