"Man, I'm bummed I'm still stuck in the zoo."
Why am still stuck here?!
The Gut

Earlier this week, a young black bear scaled a 10-foot fence outside the Knoxville Zoo and snuck inside (perhaps to stage a jail break?). Silly bear, everyone knows you try to escape from the zoo, not bust INTO it. (I know, I know; don’t actually free zoo animals, they don’t know how to live in the wild, etc. I’m just trying to keep them entertained.) A zoo ranger spotted the roughly 150-pound bear about midnight:

The first thought was to check the zoo’s own group of four captive black bears which lounge in the natural habitat Black Bear Falls in another section of the park. Zookeepers quickly counted bear noses and discovered that none of their bears were out and about for an evening stroll.

THEY COUNTED NOSES. Um, adorable.

EVERYONE HIDE.
Nothing to see here! Move along!
Pattie

The bear was stealthy, sneaking back out of the zoo undetected. One can only hope she had a few swans, snakes, and monkeys in tow and now they’ll all get their own reality show.

This bear’s radness is unsurprising to anyone who knows black bears are the best (along with beets and Battlestar Galactica):