Eat these, just don't store 'em in Tupperware.
Ignore PETA. Eat these, just don’t store ‘em in Tupperware.
Power Plant OP

PETA is tirelessly dedicated to its mission: finding a way to objectify people (mostly women) under the guise of animal advocacy. (You know PETA stands for “People Enjoying Tits and Asses,” right?) It’s nothing if not consistent.

Its latest caper would be a refreshing change from near-naked ladies in cages — except that it goes after men this time, reminding you that your penis is your most important body part. Not your brain, which you need to evaluate its ridiculous claims. Not your mouth, which you need to advocate against factory farms. And not your thumbs, which you need to play Animal Crossing.

This lovely bullshit reminder comes timed with the arrival of the National Buffalo Wing Festival (who knew THAT was a thing?!):

According to a letter from PETA to Drew Cerza, the founder of the festival, “The latest scientific evidence shows that the sons of pregnant women who consume chicken are more likely to have smaller penises because of a chemical found in the birds’ flesh.”

“Findings published by the Study for Future Families showed that eating poultry during pregnancy may lead to smaller penis size in male infants,” the letter, from PETA’s Lindsay Rajt, alleges.

Who volunteers to find out if PETA funded the study? (I would, but I need to make a quick run to KFC.)

It turns out that chicken wings aren’t even among the top factors that can shrink your baby boy’s schlong. The chemical at fault, phthalate, is present in MUCH higher quantities in plastic containers and super-processed food. But I guess “Use Tupperware while pregnant at your baby’s dick’s peril!” wasn’t as catchy.