Before I get deeper into this story about this cereal that’s supposed to make you sexier, which was invented by a Canadian businessman (because whenever I think of sex the words “Canadian businessman” are never far behind), let’s look at the nipple on that woman on the cereal box. That’s a nipple, right? Just wanted to clear that up.
Anyway, Peter Ehrlich, the Toronto businessman, got the idea for this product — “his” and “hers” cereals with special ingredients formulated to uh, I don’t know, increase libido? Potency? Vaginal mucus? Who cares? It’s a SEX CEREAL, it’s a cereal that makes SEX — because he thought there weren’t enough “fun” products in the world of health food. Fair enough. Who doesn’t like fun? Look at the fun ingredients here.
Rolled oats, wheat germ, water, chia seeds, black sesame seeds, pumpkin seeds, blueberries (sweetened with apple juice), cacao nibs, goji berries, bee pollen, maca powder, camu camu, coconut sugar
Rolled oats, oat bran, sunflower seeds, water, flax seeds, chia seeds, soy protein, cranberries (sweetened with apple juice), goji berries, cacao nibs, almonds, ginger ground, maca powder, coconut sugar
You know, if I were a guy, and I had some camu camu, I would just totally be so ready for some super fun screwing! But absolutely DO NOT give camu camu to a woman if you want her to want fun sex. You need to give her some almonds and ground ginger for that. I mean, everyone knows that. You can give either of them coconut sugar, maca maca powder, and chia seeds. Those are the best non-gendered sex foods. I know this because the Canadian businessman (see, now that phrase is turning me on!) said, “I wasn’t creating a cereal for the sake of shock value. I know scientifically it had to be the real thing.”
He then added, just in case someone might think he was a dick, “But the real thing is expensive.” Now this is no bullshit. It’s $12 a bag. Hey! Since Ehrlich can presumably get the stuff for free, he can go eat a couple bags of it, get all sexy and shit, and then, he can blow me!
(h/t Jessica Roy on Twitter)