Gino Covacci was walking in Pompano Beach, Fla., probably minding his own business, when suddenly, up ahead in the surf, he saw an enormous eyeball. Not the sort of thing that happens every day. Plus, this was not just any enormous eyeball; it was the size of a coffee mug, and still very fresh, turgid with the blood of whatever creature had recently surrendered it — and perhaps its mortal coil — to the briny depths.
Being a responsible citizen and also probably wondering what unlucky creature this enormous eyeball used to belong to, Mr. Covacci (of the Pompano Beach Covaccis) put the eyeball in question into a plastic bag. A “police lady” gave him the number of the Florida Fish and Wildlife Commission, which put it in a special eyeball-preserving solution of formaldehyde and water. The eye will will eventually find its way to the Florida Fish and Wildlife Research Institute, where they will try to figure out WTF a giant eyeball was doing on the beach in Florida. (Migrating?)
The eyeball could belong to a tuna, shark, whale, or giant squid, but at this point, the leading contender is a swordfish. A swordfish who no longer has to cover up one eye when visiting the optometrist. A swordfish whose pirate Halloween costume is all set to go. A swordfish to whom you would not want to loan your new car. (As an aside: We don’t quite get why it’s going to take them so long to figure out what kind of eye it is. You’d think they’d have some eye samples of these things floating around, so to speak, and they’d just say, oh, hey, that sure looks like a so-and-so eye. Maybe fish eyes all look a lot more similar than we’d assumed?)