Derek Nance
Derek Nance.
Vice

If you slide waaaay down from the Paleo diet on the weird scale, you find Derek Nance. Dude’s been solely subsisting on raw meat for almost six years and, according to Vice, has “never been healthier”:

Five years ago, Derek had some mystery illness that killed his appetite and brought up anything he ate. The doctors suspected it was an allergy thing so Derek changed his diet.

He went gluten-free and dairy-free, ate only fish and veggies, and even went vegan. Nothing helped.

Finally a guy who’d had similar symptoms recommended a carnivorous version of the Palaeolithic diet. With nothing to lose, Derek gave raw meat a try. That was five years ago and he now goes so far as to brush his teeth with animal fat.

The switch to caveman food was quick and, other than some diarrhea, relatively painless:

I had a couple of goats in my yard that I was using for milk and you know, I was tired of milking them so I slaughtered them. I ate both of those goats, all raw, and just switched over like that.

Nance eats mostly lamb because pigs are so full of hormones. He doesn’t even cook or season his meat anymore, because it tastes “burned.”

About three weeks in I noticed this real strong blood-like taste in the back of my throat and then all of a sudden I started getting strong cravings for it. The idea of cooked meat no longer appeals.

Can you choke down your vomit any longer? Because Nance also eats rotten meat. It’s full of probiotics!

One final fact. If you weren’t convinced yet that Vice is trolling us all, Derek Nance has a girlfriend. And she’s a vegetarian.