So let’s say you live in West Asheville, N.C., and your neighborhood has unofficially adopted a local bear (which they name Audrey). You’re in your driveway when you get a call Audrey is headed your way. You go inside. Do you a) call animal control (turn to page 72) or b) grab your hunting rifle and kill Audrey, who then rolls into a neighbor’s driveway (turn to page YOU SUCK)?
An unidentified man missed his chance to turn to page 72 last week, and understandably, his neighbors are NOT happy, according to the Asheville Citizen-Times:
“West Asheville is mourning the loss of our beloved Audrey,” one writer posted on a West Asheville Facebook page. “RIP Audrey, you will be missed. We enjoyed your visits to our gardens, bird feeders and yards. Audrey had become the unofficial mascot of the west side. Goodbye sweet Audrey. We loved you.”
Another writer noted she was “disgusted that someone took such a violent stance without provocation,” and urged residents to contact District Attorney Ron Moore and demand prosecution of the shooter.
Neighbor Evan Turnau agreed:
“We are in the city limits, and we don’t want anyone to get hurt, shooting guns,” Turnau said. “This is an analogy of our society getting along with different cultures. We not only have to get along with each other, we have to get along with the environment. The bears were here before us.”
The shooter’s name hasn’t been released because he hasn’t been charged with anything, although he might get slapped with a misdemeanor for shooting a bear out of season (plus of course he has won the eternal enmity of his neighbors). If Audrey was in the process of damaging or trying to enter the man’s house, he’d be within his legal rights to shoot her. But just digging in a trash can? Not so much.