Tastes better than jizz!
Tastes better than jizz!

UGH. Why is it SO HARD to find an oral sex lube that’s as good for your dental hygiene as it is for some dude’s willy?! I wonder that approximately never times a day. But if yoooou happen to enjoy both sex and minty freshness, and furthermore you prefer to avoid animal products, Blowpaste might be for you.

Yes, Blowpaste. Made with love in the world’s only known Luberatory, it’s a water-based lube made from aloe vera, sodium bicarbonate, vegetable glycerin, and peppermint and wintergreen essential oils. The essential oils supposedly make your man’s member tingle while freshening your breath. Which is great if you want to, like, KISS or something after oral sex, instead of eating a slice of pizza off the floor like a NORMAL person.

Creators and cute couple Jasmine Ejan and Steven Guistolise explain in various stages of undress:

At 10 bucks a pop, a two-ounce tube ain’t cheap. Then again, it’s doing double duty:

“Basically, you brush your teeth, then you’re about to do the deed, and most lubes have a aspartame or candy like substances in them. And then you have to brush your teeth again,” Ejan said, explaining that with Blowpaste, generous lovers can skip the post-blowjob brush.

Oh, you’re oddly hygienic AND vegan? Because they thought of that too:

Branding it “the revolutionary oral sex lube that is good for your teeth,” the creators also prominently note the product is vegan, gluten-free and American-made … [And] Blowpaste is not tested on animals — “only human beings.”

Well, THAT’s reassuring.

To spread its paste on every mouth/dick in America, Blowpaste is trying to raise $5,000. So if you feel a stirring in your loins, please give.