Neiman Marcus
This is where J.R. and Miss Ellie would live if they were chickens.

The most amazing thing about this $100,000 chicken coop from Neiman Marcus isn’t that it exists. It’s that it has a library in it. Of all the things they could have given to the chickens who will inhabit this manse to signify their wealth — a golf course, a cigar room, a weekend in Mustique — they decide that what chickens really want to do is read. It’s kind of sad and suspect. It’s like suggesting that people are rich because they’re really smart and well-informed, not just because they have no qualms about lying or being evil.

The other thing that’s really amazing about this chicken coop is that you are supposed to allow six weeks for delivery. What kind of lunatic orders something like this, first of all, and then, given a full six weeks to contemplate the madness of this, does not turn around immediately, call up Neiman Marcus, and say, “Please unorder this, and then please find me some professional help.”

Neiman Marcus

We will be standing by to see if any of these sell. (Just so you know, if you’re contemplating it: Chickens are included, furniture is not.) In the meantime, wow, that $1,300 dollar chicken coop from Williams-Sonoma now sounds so normal by comparison. That product could be the unlikely winner in this insanity. Meanwhile, any rich people who have children should expect their kids will be living in this thing within days, and have SMOKE MORE REFFER spray painted across the porch.