The fluffy cow above isn't just any cow. It's a show calf, one of the Honey Boo Boos of the bovine world. (Honey Moo Moo?) It doesn't get that fluffy by accident or by nature. It's coddled, primped, and trotted out to impress the world.

Cattle farming is an awfully energy-hogging enterprise to do just for show. But, dear god, these cows are so damn fluffy, they look like you could take them to bed and cuddle with them like a stuffed animal. How can we deny those cuddly bovine butts?

Oddity Central explains:

These cows don’t belong to any particular breed. They are show calves, a cross between two different high-quality breeds, bred for bovine show-business.

I was just sitting here thinking "I wish I knew a good way to kill some old-growth redwoods in Big Sur, break the law, and make Americans look even more like entitled asshats, all in the name of creating a sort of Game of Thrones and Lord of the Rings hybrid for my wedding." And then it turned out, oh wait, Sean Parker already did!

Grist obtained* a recording of the events surrounding the $10 million wedding of the Facebook cofounder, former Napster dude, and billionaire cokehead (you know, the guy Justin Timberlake played in The Social Network) to “singer-songwriter” Alexandra Lenas. A transcript follows.

Look, the U.N. wants you to eat more insects, because it's a more sustainable way to get protein -- and you want to do what the U.N. says, right? Well, maybe you don't if it means roasting up some bugs for dinner, and listen, we agree. Really we do. Roasting is super work-intensive. What you need is a bug-based energy bar.

Luckily, Chapul has you covered.

Ed. note: In case you don't religiously follow Justin Bieber news (what.), you might have missed that he adopted a monkey, which was then confiscated in Germany because Bieber didn't have any paperwork showing that it was vaccinated. (And honestly, we can't see the Biebs being on-task enough to vaccinate a monkey anyway. He probably just thought it was a tiny, hairy fan that was following him around.) Anyway, as it turns out, the monkey is fine, and we have received a letter from ... him? Her? Reports differ. Anyway, you can rest easy knowing that this particular monkey is safe if musically frustrated, but GUYS, do not buy exotic pets. Don't be as big an asshole as Justin Bieber.

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Hey guys! It’s me, Mally! The monkey? JUSTIN BIEBER’S monkey? Remember me now? Jesus.

We're always looking for ways to reuse materials that humans have forcibly extracted from the Earth at great cost to human life and to the planet. Via Atlantic Cities, we now find that a whole bunch of scientists have realized that there's a huge trove of materials just waited to be exploited -- under city streets.

Kate Ravilious interviewed these scientists for a (paywalled) New Scientist article and found that, while city streets may not be literally paved with gold, they are covering up a whole bunch of valuable copper. Atlantic Cities summarizes:

Recently Eklund and company have focused their attention on copper stocks embedded in municipal power grids. They estimate that there's upwards of 90,000 tons of the stuff buried beneath Swedish cities, though recovering it may not be "economically justified" at the present time. ...

Usually you do not want fungi in the walls of your home. But Ecovative is building a home in which having fungi in the walls is the entire point. The "Mushroom Tiny House" will use mycelium (the mass of threadlike “roots” that mushrooms use to take in nutrition) for insulation.

According to Inhabitat, this stuff is basically asbestos except that it’s not bad for the planet, won’t give you cancer, and is related to something you might put on a pizza:

Gotta hand it to Ben & Jerry's: It knows how to please its core audience (the hippies, at least; not necessarily the recently dumped). The company is already making ice cream with 80 percent of its ingredients GMO-free. By the end of the year, Ben & Jerry’s says, there will be no GMO ingredients at all in its ice cream.

It's a little bit tricky, considering how many things go into Ben & Jerry's flavors, but the company already does it in Europe. So it's possible -- it just needs to find the right suppliers.

This finally explains the cutthroat people behind you in the Starbucks line: Psychologists have added caffeine withdrawal to their bible, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. The fact that climate change is going to threaten coffee production just jumped from "huge priority issue" to "MASSIVE PANIC."

Get ready for your cute-o-meter to explode: There is an endangered species called little penguins, and they have two fluffy sheepdog bodyguards that protect them from foxes while the penguins reproduce as fast as they can (the sheepdogs avert their eyes, naturally).

Americans, we get it -- you want to ride your bike, like we keep telling you to, but you're hampered by the fast-food burgers you're double-fisting. Well, your long nightmare is over, because Burger King has introduced (in Puerto Rico only) the hands-free Whopper-holding device. Finally, you can enjoy active hobbies without having to endure the emotional pain of not stuffing a burger in your face every minute of the day.