If you can’t make it beyond the first 30 seconds of wretched rap in this public service ad campaign, here’s the basic gist: It’s Aug. 9! Happy National Night! Now please, please save Singapore’s flagging population by putting your genitals inside other people’s genitals or vice versa!

You should really watch the rest, though, because it is lunacy:

Singapore’s population growth is one of the lowest in the world, but instead of patting itself on the back, the country is making up holidays where the only celebration is pro forma, patriotic procreative sex. And what better way to say “hey, it would be really hot if we could combine our chromosomes to make offspring and achieve a tax credit, baby” than with an awkward music video that’s like “Business Time” without the ironic distance?

The campaign was produced by a Singapore ad agency with help from Mentos — note the sly product placement at the beginning where the male singer says he’s eating a mint “so I can kiss you on the face” (the first, but not the last, point in the video where you think “if this is a typical Singaporean come-on, no wonder their population growth is so low”).

If you happen to be turned on by junior-high wordplay, cartoon hearts with graph erections, fancy strollers, and references to Singapore’s landmarks and/or public transportation system, this video ought to really do the trick for you. The rest of you, enjoy never wanting to have sex on Aug. 9 again.