splenda-in-the-grass
Kate Ter Haar

Looks like Splenda is sweet AND sour. Take Part blogger Linda Sharps writes that not only does sucralose cause cancer in mice, but we pee most of it out (since we can’t digest 90 percent of it), and it’s accumulating in groundwater. Aw shit:

Sucralose’s unique chemical properties prevent it from being broken down in the conventional wastewater treatment process, so it travels on — unaltered — into surface and ground waters.

The Biodesign Institute at Arizona State University looked into this too, writes Sharps, with some not-so-great results. The Institute found that the amount of sucralose in wastewater samples wasn’t significantly lower after 50 days. It’s like that friend you invited over for a sleepover but stayed for a month. Either that or a suspicious rash that won’t go away; maybe both, for those of you who name your rashes (PLEASE LEAVE, GERALDINE).

If you don’t really care about wastewater because it sounds boring, keep in mind that Splenda has also been known to cause seizures, is suspected to contribute to type 2 diabetes just like regular sugar, and might actually increase appetite. Plus, Mary Poppins didn’t sing “A spoonful of artificial sweetener makes the medicine go down.” So there’s that.