angry_zebra
Nathan Rupert

Oh, you probably thought zebras were just docile, pleasant horsies that enjoyed dressing like a smarmy playboy’s sheet set, huh? Well joke’s on you, because apparently they’ve been biding their time waiting to avenge themselves on humans for threatening their species and putting them in captivity. The first volley: A zebra at the National Zoo bit a zoo staffer this morning, who had to be rushed to the hospital.

It’s sort of funny-not-funny; like, we can make jokes about the zebra revolt because the zoo reports that the zookeeper was conscious and talking, so he or she is unlikely to be in terrible danger, and once the scar heals it’ll probably make a good story? But on the other hand, a National Zoo spokesperson describes a zebra bite as “very strong and severe,” so we probably shouldn’t joke TOO much.

The rebellious Zebranista has been isolated, and the zoo says staff is “completely focused on the animal.” Which might mean evaluating its physical health and its fitness to remain in the exhibit, or might mean interrogating it until it gives up the location of other zebra uprising cells.