This finally explains the cutthroat people behind you in the Starbucks line: Psychologists have added caffeine withdrawal to their bible, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. The fact that climate change is going to threaten coffee production just jumped from “huge priority issue” to “MASSIVE PANIC.”
What makes caffeine withdrawal a mental illness? It’s more than just making you grumpy; it’s “things like headaches, trouble sleeping — to the point that it actually interferes with your daily life,” as Jen Wieczner of MarketWatch told the Wall Street Journal. (Hoarding and cannabis withdrawal have also been added to the latest version of the DSM. No word on whether forgetting your weed in the freezer for two years qualifies as both.)
If you drink two or three cups of coffee a day, watch out. Those who’ve been hittin’ the bean too hard could basically be drunk on caffeine:
[E]xcessive caffeine intake can cause a mental condition known as “caffeine intoxication.” People with this level of intoxication will show five or more of the following symptoms: restlessness, nervousness, excitement, insomnia, flushed face, diuresis, gastrointestinal disturbance, twitching, rambling thought or speech, tachycardia, arrhythmia, periods of inexhaustibly, or psychomotor agitation.
Yikes. Let’s use this an excuse to watch a Gilmore Girls coffee supercut:
(42 seconds in. It’s like they’re watching me.)
Get Grist in your inbox