Oh sure, biking to work helps you keep toned leg muscles, like a good trophy wife. But it also reduces carbon emissions, and everyone knows that saving the environment is for poor people. No, what you need is a chauffeured Cadillac SUV with a built-in stationary bike, so you can do your morning exercise while James ferries you to the office. (Ha ha, just kidding! Like you go to an office. You can pedal while James ferries your husband to the office, and then takes you back home so you can direct the rest of the staff.)

The built-in bike isn’t even the most bougie thing about this car, the Becker Cadillac Escalade ESV. It also includes a movie screen, internet access, and some other shit I don’t even understand because I don’t speak Obscenely Rich. Xzibit would lose his mind. But the bike-in-a-car feature is definitely the most patently absurd and out-of-touch. “A mode of conveyance that also exercises my muscles? Why yes, my fine fellow, anyone would gladly pay millions of dollars for such a device!”

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