1. Or are you just soapy to see me?

    Man Junk: “A line of organic shampoos for the discriminating scrotum.” Members only, please.

  2. Eat your hat

    Tried to go whole hog, but still have leftovers? Haberdash over to this site to save your bacon. Because “one always looks neat, in a hat made from meat.”

  3. Elephant out of room

    Hey Ranger, Coming 2 town. Meet 4 drink @ Babar? Got junk n the trunk, IYKWIM. I’ll never forget u. Luv, Elephant.

  4. We’ll undertake ‘er

    Feeling deathly ill? Rest in peace on one of these slightly used sofas. Sure, they were coffins in another life, but now they’re in a better place: your living room!

  5. Love those British chicks

    You can thank global warming for an abundance of great tits.

  6. Roomba-ba black seep

    Oil spills are no match for this human-sized Roomba. It’ll zoomba through the gloomba far better than a broomba, saving wildlife from doomba faster than you can say bada-boomba.

  7. Thnks fr th GHGs

    What will be the fallout from Pete Wentz and Co.’s green-themed flight to Antarctica? Tons of carbon, a Guinness record — and, quite possibly, emo copypenguins.

  8. Just don’t hit eject

    Overpopulation give you pause? Then give it pause, boys, with a remote control that halts sperm in its tracks. Perfect for dates on fast-forward — though it does involve microchipping your manhood. But did we mention the remote control?

  9. A call to arms

    If we had a band, we would call it Recycled Socktopus. And if we had a recycled socktopus, well, we’d buy one for everyone in the band.

    Photo: friendsofsocktopus.com

  10. Advert effects

    Dear ad agencies of the world, why must you portray greenies as prostitute-hiring, adulterous murderers? As you can see from this TV spot, we are actually totally hip. Bright-color-wearing, techno-dancing, jean-ironing hip.