There’s a lot of food hypocrisy in the U.S. “Skip the raw milk,” says the FDA. “But here, eat glow-in-the-dark Cheetos!”

It’s not just stateside, either. Austrian farmer/comedian Petutschnig Hons recently ranted about a customer who was happy to pay for the “piss-colored rainbow” that is Red Bull but found fresh, organic milk too expensive.

“I KNOW what is inside the milk,” Hons swears. “In one liter of milk, there’s one liter of milk from the little cows eating healthy green grass.” Right. SCIENCE. Red Bull, on the other hand, is full of artificial ingredients, which he reads, sounding like Terminator: Rise of the Fake Sweeteners.

In case you weren’t convinced, Hons smashes a can of Red Bull with his trusty sledgehammer and says, “Now where are your wings?”

Whether or not you think adult humans should be drinking the baby-goo that is cow milk, I think we can all agree it’s less gross than Red Bull. Pass the White Russians, Dude.

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