Public transit is an aphrodisiac.Photo: Martin Strobl

Did you hear about Patrick Moberg, that dude who found the girl of his dreams on the New York subway? Like a twee Wes Anderson hipster-man, he drew a picture of her in full rosy-cheeked glory, set up a website (NYGirlOfMyDreams.com), and struck gold when a friend of hers saw it and put him in touch with her. Dreams come true! Don’t stop believing! Take the midnight train going anywheeere! (Ahem.)

Perhaps you too want to find love on a subway (or train or bus). As a Philadelphia Daily News romance columnist recently wrote, “How many people fall in love driving home in their cars? The only social interaction you get in a car is road rage.” (This is not totally true, as once I was driving on I-5 and a dude held his phone number up to his Jeep’s window, and then we went to the aquarium together.  But I digress.) It’s much easier and safer to check out the hotties at your bus stop or on the subway.

Grist columnist Carla Saulter met her now-husband on a Seattle bus — no surprise, as she’s our city’s reigning Bus Chick. Brace yourself for this adorableness:

I’m not proud of this, but it’s time I came clean. I wanted to sit by Bus Nerd so badly that that I regularly (and intentionally) committed a minor bus foul: I saved him a seat.

I used the standard tactics: leaving my bus chick bag on the seat next to me (a shocking transgression by a woman who prides herself on her impeccable bus etiquette) and pretending to be busy digging through it each time new people boarded. Sometimes I even resorted to feigning sleep to avoid being asked to move it.

Le sigh. How cute is that?

If you want to pull a Before Sunrise and find your own true love on transit, here’s a tasty stewpot of tips from real-life couples, WikiHow, and this sketchy website I found:

• Skip your headphones. They make you look unapproachable. Let’s face it, NPR is never going to make you heart-shaped grilled cheese and rub your feet.
• Carry a conversation-starter. Having a book, magazine, My Little Pony, or the latest iWhatsit is like throwing a magic conversational buoy to shy types. Or upgrade to a snowboard or ambiguous musical instrument case. Seriously, bigger is better: transporting a thrift-store papasan chair by bus got me more looks than forgetting my pants ever has.
• Waste no time. Don’t assume you have your entire bus ride to screw up your courage — nothing worse than mentally crafting the perfect comment about someone’s paperback, only to have them hop off before you’ve made a move. Plus, then you have more time for exchanging digits and staring into each other’s weary bloodshot eyes.
• Ask a question … Massachusetts residents Lauren Richey and Scott Miller met and married on the commuter rail. Richey noticed that Miller often brought a fold-up bike on the train, mentally dubbing him “Bike Man” and even writing a short story about him (cute … and kind of creepy). Their romance started the day she tapped him on the shoulder and asked why he sometimes got on at different stops (observant … and also kind of creepy).
• … but don’t be a creeper. If the object of your affection isn’t, uh, affectionate: no lurking. Hopping off a stop or two after any failed flirting is ideal (although not always feasible).
• Take a bet. Hey, it worked for the woman whose friends bet her $40 to kiss the next person who got on the bus — whom she ended up marrying. Naturally, he proposed on the bus and they had their wedding pics taken on a bus.

If your pre-caffeinated bus-stop brain is blank, here are some bang-up conversation openers:

• “I think our bus driver looks like an old shriveled apple / is the perkiest person alive / is gonna give me a heart attack from skidding through those orange lights.”
• “I love/hate that there is/n’t an app to track when the bus/subway’ll get here.” (Some places with arrival-time apps: Boston, Seattle, Portland, Chicago, Brooklyn, D.C.)
• “Did you know that in Norway, there’s an app that lets you can leave notes for other people at your bus stop?”
• “Do you have a map? Because I just got lost in your eyes.” (OK, I kid.)

Perfect. Now you are in love.

If you want to get hitched on a train, get in line, sucka! Krisy Plourde and Tom Golden beat out other hopefuls in a contest to get married on Philadelphia’s “Love Train” this past Valentine’s Day. Watch Philadelphia Mayor Michael Nutter marry them:

Awww. Listen to “Love Train” and share your own bus crush or L train love story in the comments.

Welcome to TreeShagger, our new column on green dating. If you’ve got green dating questions, send ‘em our way!

So Valentine’s Day came and went, and you’re in the doghouse since you couldn’t get a reservation at Olivebee’s Factory? Cheer up, smuckers! Lean in close for some non-obvious, mostly cheap green date ideas, many of which I’ve tested for you myself. These aren’t “green” in the sense that you’re eating hummus and watching An Inconvenient Truth outside on a blanket made of stars — boooring! — but they’re low-impact, legitimately fun things that don’t require buying crap. Bonus points if you bike, bus, or walk! Ready?

• Hit up an arcade. It’s my go-to first date: cheap and super-fun. Grab your lucky lass or lad, get a roll of quarters, and crack those thumbs. For Seattleites, I recommend the Waterfront Arcade (a stroll by the water afterwards is perfect for seaside snogging) or Full Tilt, where you can get cheap, generous portions of ice cream when your eyes start to cross.

• Hang out in the library. Get the weirdest play script you can find and whisper the lines to each other. Synchronize your watches and give each other five minutes to find the book with the best title (hint: probably An Inordinate Fondness for Beetles). Sneak a picnic basket up to the stacks (but no celery; too noisy). Some bigger libraries may have musical practice rooms where you can dink around on the piano.

• Go pet some cats. Live in an animal-free box of sadness? An animal shelter or cat adoption center like Cat City, where furry buddies roam free, gives you something adorable to focus on (in addition to each other, I mean). Dogs work too — the Seattle Animal Shelter lets trained volunteers walk the dogs. Or walk a friend’s dog, or find a dog park to lurk at (but don’t be a creeper).

• DIY junk food. Cupcakes are burps of an angel, so whip some up with an easy recipe like this one. Make your own garlicky fries, crazy popcorn toppings, or food god Mark Bittman’s fluffy popovers. Vegan types can blend up soy milkshakes or craft a vegan pizza. (Like Michael Pollan said, “Eat all the junk food you want as long as you cook it yourself.”)

• Get artsy. “She’s crafty; she’s just my type!” Dude. The Beastie Boys were on to something. Check out an art museum and pick your favorite pieces, then make your own versions with kiddie paints and popsicle sticks. If you’re daring, use found objects (read: litter) to make a messy collage. Garbage art is hip — and as any 5-year-old will tell you, eating paste is where it’s at.

• Go outside, I guess? I’m no nature girl, but some people dig hiking (and even meet their honeys out in the woods). The less-crunchy can wander around an arboretum or public garden. Or for the 21st century version of a treasure hunt, go geocaching.

• Photo scavenger hunt. Grab your cameras, give yourself a starting and an ending location, and photograph things on the way that start with each letter of the alphabet (in order). Pasting the photos in your love scrapbook is optional. (If you have a love scrapbook, let me know in the comments so I can punch you in the face.)

• Use your noodle. “The only thing sexier than someone who will dumpster dive with you is someone who can out-Scrabble you, IMHO,” wrote former Grister Kate Sheppard. You can always make it Naked Scrabble if you need some, uh, excitement. Or stay fully clothed and flaunt your brain at a local bar’s trivia night.

• Find the best cheap view of your town. From riding a municipal elevator to climbing the winding staircase inside a water tower, you can usually find a great view of your city or town without paying Statue of Liberty prices. Plus, sneaking up a fire escape can make your glands squirt out adrenaline, giving you a nice natural high.

• Get random. Take a cue from the couple that “ate pancakes and then went to Teddy Roosevelt’s house and then watched the first season of Miami Vice.” Brilliant.

Now you know my secrets. Go forth and use them responsibly … and let me know what I forgot down below in the comments.

Computer love.Photo: Jeremy Brooks

The internet wants to help you find love. One in five newly committed couples met through a dating site, says Match.com [PDF] (and I’m sure they’re not biased). And Google ads recently volunteered to help me “meet yoga singles.” (Google, do I look like I do yoga? I’m barely flexible enough to sit in a chair.) What’s a green single with wifi to do? I decided to find out.

Sacrificing my dignity for your carnal pleasure, I joined five green dating sites under the name “sustainabanger” and exploited their free features in search of Seattle-area love. (Warning: If you’ve ever stabbed your eyes with a trident — the stabby thing, not the gum — that’s what looking at these sites feels like. Most were apparently designed by an 8-year-old with a Mac from 1992, back when animated GIFs were cool and a rotating smiley was the pinnacle of innovation.)

Planet Earth Singles

The gist: This one seems reputable, if a bit skewed toward 40-year-olds who like swimming with the dolphins. It’s free to join and browse, but paying $17 for a one-month membership means you can actually (gasp!) write your own messages to send to people.

The good: My profile was approved within an hour.

The bad: Non-paying members can only send one of 13 short, canned messages, like “I feel a nice connection with you after reading your profile.”

The bizarre:

• A man holds a flower in his teeth in the header image.
• You have to specify your Chinese animal sign and Ayurvedic body type, as well as what you’re looking for, with options ranging from “tantric partner” to “celibate marriage.”
• The homepage warns against Africa-based scammers: “[S]ome of the most beautiful, open hearted people in the world live in Africa. Unfortunately, most of [our] Internet scams come from Africa.”

Verdict: There are only seven guys in Seattle between the ages of 25 and 35 whose profiles include a photo. Five users express interest in me, but only one is on the West Coast, a vegan ecologist/drummer who lives several hours away. At 36, he’s the youngest of the bunch (others range up to 60). He’s nerdy-cute, so I send him a canned message without much hope. I have no plans to pony up $17.

Lookin’ for love in all the wrong places.Photo: Castaway in WalesAct for Love

The gist: It’s “the largest matchmaking site for Democratic singles … founded by progressive activists, for progressive activists,” so while not explicitly green, users are likely to care about sustainability. It’s free to browse, reply to messages, and send a hug, kiss, or wink, and you can send two messages for free after signing up. After that, initiating contact via messages will cost you $10 a month.

The good: It boasts over 335,000 members, 27,000 in Washington state. Featured users seem younger and hotter than on other sites. And it gets points for being R-rated; one optional profile question is “Favorite on-screen sex scene?”.

The bad: This is not a pretty site. Who coded this, a pair of mittens? And the paywall is truly obnoxious — you can only see tiny thumbnail pics of users unless you upgrade.

The bizarre: I am “hotlisted” by a creepy exhibitionist Texan.

The verdict: I send 14 winks, two kisses, and one of my two free messages, and get a tentatively promising reply. Although this site boasts lots of members, I don’t feel optimistic since (yet again) I’d have to pay to message people.

Green Passions

The gist: The ugliest site by far, but it’s got the most personality, and it’s “100% free.”

The good: Green Passions takes “quirky” to a new level. Magician, ninja, pirate at heart, vampire, or werewolf? You can check a box for it. And you can do nine things to a user, including smooch, sniff, punch repeatedly, or pray for.

The bad: So many unsightly Google ads, I’d rather find love in a phone book.

The bizarre: One of the possible hobbies is “weather.” An extensive haircut section has over 30 options. (I select “undetectable toupee.”) A solar aficionado is looking for “A Goddess that longs for her animal beast to ravage her and share that tender smooth touch in the pale moon light.”

Verdict: I search for guys 25 to 35 in Seattle and get four results. Two have pictures. One has been on the site in the past three months: a 33-year-old with a snake. I “sniff” him. Hopefully he will know what that means.

Green Singles

The gist: Another site where non-paying members can only send brief, canned messages (one says “I like your profile, and would welcome further contact when you are divorced”). A three-month membership costs $24.

The good: Finally, one that doesn’t make my eyes bleed from its design. (Instead, this one does it with quotes like “Make every day earth day” and shit about Nature painting miracles in the sky.)

The bad:  My search doesn’t turn up many potential matches, but there is a shirtless guy showing off his Chinese-symbol bicep tattoo. One of his interests: “i guess some people would call it squatting … Since i like to live off the land.”

The bizarre: “This site made with 100% recycled electrons!” chirps the bottom of each page. “No trees were destroyed and no animals were harmed.” Well, that‘s a relief, but how the heck do you recycle electrons?

Verdict: I find a cute, divorced 36-year-old who likes coffee ice cream for breakfast, Wes Anderson movies, and This American Life. Jackpot! I sent him a free prewritten message, allowing a tiny bubble of hope to gurgle up in my esophagus. Then he hides his profile and the world hears a teeny popping sound.

EcoDater

The gist: The site is less than two years old, and the pickings are slim. Non-paying members can send messages … but not to “premium” members who pay $5 a month. Confusingly, upgrading to premium is temporarily free, which means there’s a confusing, hard-to-navigate caste system.

The good: Less-ugly graphic design than the rest — illustrated green doves are about the only thing to mock here. Filling out my profile is fast, and it asks about my hard drug use and tattoos. I like it. “Are you a flamboyantly tattooed athletic PhD or an introspective vegan social drinker with three kids?” Nice.

The bad: It takes five days for my account to get approved, and there are only two guys between 25 and 35 in Washington state. I broaden the search to 23 to 38, and a “23 year old male firemonkey” is several hours away, but I can’t contact him because he’s a paid member. I try searching for 23- to 38-year-old guys in Oregon instead. There aren’t any.

The bizarre: A letter from the founder says, “[T]he incredible community of people that formed around [my creative arts collective] was the soil in which the EcoDater seed was sown.” (Too bad there isn’t very much, ah, EcoDater seed.)

Verdict: The graphic design got my hopes up, only to smash them down with no users.

The bottom line

The main problem with most of these green dating sites is pure lack of users. (Remember how lame Facebook was when you’d just joined and only had five friends? Yeah … welcome back.) Add some hideousness into the mix and I’m not super-compelled to return. While I still have a puny shard of hope that I’ll hear from the Planet Earth guy, and Act for Love wasn’t totally a bust, overall I’m underwhelmed.

A bigger site like OkCupid is probably a better bet — more people, simple to use, easy on the eyes — and totally free. You can always wax passionate about bike lanes in your profile and attract like-minded lovahs that way.

As for me, I’ll be sticking to Sea Captain Date. Hopefully love will wash onto my deck there …

Tell us in the comments: Would you try a green or vegetarian dating site? Or have you already?

Even in French, they still taste like chalk. Photo: KatLevPhoto

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They met reading TreeShagger. (It could happen!)Photo: Katya Litvinenko

You know what they say: If you want to pick up a climate hawk, you gotta learn to fly. (Or something. No, this is not the time to get your pilot’s license.) If you’re tired of choking down wheatgrass-and-vodkas at your local hipster bar, or you have a permanent eye twitch from winking at cuties during yoga, I will teach you where to find a suitable green lover.

Farmers markets. There’s something to be said for feigning an interest in soil-encrusted vegetable bulbs. You can engage in corny double entendre with the grower, for instance (melons! O ho ho!), or “accidentally” brush the hand of a fellow bok choy lover. Fighting over the last leek is even considered an aphrodisiac in some cultures. (Yes, The Last Leek is going to be the title of my memoir.) But you want love in your canvas bag today, my friend, not just vegetables — so keep your eyes on the prize.

CSAs and co-ops. Maybe farmers markets aren’t your thang (too many tambourines, right?). Consider joining a CSA (community-supported agriculture), advises Grist Cities Editor Sarah Goodyear. As a CSA member, you’ll pay for a weekly box of seasonal farm bounty from roughly June to December. You might pick the boxes up from a central location where you can rub elbows with other locavores, and you might even be called upon to work a shift or two. (Central Brooklyn’s CSA has volunteers deliver the produce boxes to other members or help at a soup kitchen.) Better yet, join and volunteer for shifts at a natural-foods co-op (like Brooklyn’s hardcore Park Slope Co-Op). You’ll have an excuse to literally check out other members if you work at the cash register.

Green mixers, fairs, and networking events. Green Drinks is a happy hour for peeps into sustainability, in roughly 730 cities worldwide. Find one nearby or start your own, but you HAVE TO go alone. (I know. It strikes fear into my heart-pockets too.) If you live in Seattle, San Francisco, L.A., Chicago, or NYC, hit up GreenFest, an annual two-day expo brimming with lots of “soymilk” to “sample,” know what I mean? (You could even volunteer there.) Or find vegetarians and vegans at VegFest, another annual festival that comes to seven cities. There’s also Go To Green LA, Green Edge NYC, and Seattle’s Out for Sustainability. Don’t forget 400-plus sustainability groups on Meetup.com. Live in Hollywood-town? “Try to land a green celebrity at a Global Green event,” advises Grist social maven Hanna Welch. Hey, now that ScarJo’s single …

Broaden your scope. The greenie of your dreams might be into other progressive causes too (reproductive rights, oceans, urban gardening) or might share other interests (home brewing, science, guerrilla knitting) so get involved in groups that light your fire. Volunteer to register people to vote, because nothing’s sexier than democracy. Linger in a bike shop or vegan restaurant. And find cool seminars, lectures, or workshops in your town, like Seattle’s Science with a Twist (nerds with cocktails = dreamy!). Held by the Pacific Science Center, the next Science with a Twist is a pre-Valentine’s shindig called Sultry Science including burlesque, hors d’oeuvres, a “jazz laser show,” and admission to two science center exhibits. Hot!

Outdoor music and art festivals. For a savory blend of hippie and hipster, hit some of the annual music fests around the country. Something about music, alcohol, and tents just brings people together, if you catch my drift. There are approximately one zillion such festivals (so check out this much longer list), but here’s a few to whet your whistle:

• Burning Man
  • Where & when: Nevada’s Black Rock Desert, 8/29/11 – 9/5/11
  • Who you’ll meet: 50,000 dreadlocked white kids trippin’ on E. Kids in their forties, I mean. Some naked. Brace yourself.
  • Why you should go: For the stories. But stay alive, son. There’s some strong shit out there.
• Bumbershoot
  • Where & when: Seattle, Labor Day weekend
  • Who you’ll meet: Your neighbors, parents, kids, hipsters, everyone on the West Coast.
  • Why you should go: There’s a wide range of performers, from small local bands to radio darlings to Bob Dylan. But it’s not just music. There are comedians, author readings, short films, food … plus, you don’t have to camp, and there’s a fairly low new-age crystal factor.
• SXSW
  • Where & when: Austin, 3/11/11 – 3/20/11
  • Who you’ll meet: “Essentially, the whole downtown area becomes overrun with hipsters,” advises Austin writer Jesse Noyes. “Expect to see a lot of bandanas hanging from back pockets.”
  • Why you should go: In addition to over 80 (!) stages, there are hundreds of unofficial shows around the city. But it ain’t just music — panel discussions and speakers are a big part of it too, covering everything from social media to racial issues to moon missions.

Green film fests. These are a beast all their own (like Falkor the pink dragon-dog in Neverending Story, but way less creepy). There’s the Wild & Scenic Film Festival in Nevada City, Calif., as well as festivals in San Francisco, Harrisburg, D.C., and Golden, Colo., to name a few. SOMEbody’s gonna touch fingers in the popcorn bucket, mmm hmm? (Just ma
ke sure they use real butter. And save the tongue-dancing ’til after the movie, OK? Or I will throw my shoe at you.)

So where have you met a green hottie? Spill in the comments!

This could happen to you. Photo: Jenae Weinbrenner

Welcome to TreeShagger, our new column on green dating. If you’ve got dating issues you want us to address in future columns, drop us a line. And scroll down to vote for whether we should call it “TreeShagger” or “Treefucker.”

No one knows what tempeh is. Seriously. Except for an elusive breed renowned for their hotness as well as their dexterity with soy. These people are called vegans.

So you’d like to get frisky with a vegan, eh? Here’s everything you need to know.

Vegans “partake not in the flesh nor the breast milk nor the ovum of anything with a face,” according to Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, obviously the most reliable source. (Ovum means egg. I Googled it for you.)

Folklore says vegans travel in packs. If you aren’t a vegan, you’ll need a strategy to break into the pack so you can wrestle away a mate. Start by stocking up on the following:

• membership to rock-climbing gym
• early Björk album
• dreads or hipster haircut
• fixed-gear bike
• Thich Nhat Hanh book
• yoga mat
• facial piercing or tattoo
• PETA paraphernalia

Next, unlearn some vegan myths. Not all vegans are preachy scolds (aka vegangelicals). And “vegan” doesn’t necessarily mean “healthy” — the pool (OK, droplet) of vegans I’ve dated liked candy. A lot.

Let’s say that, thanks to your shimmering personality or the Vegan Passions dating site, you have caught a vegan’s eye. Now what? To make your first date a smashing success, heed these tips:

What to wear: No Lady Gaga meat dress for you! Har har! But seriously now, no leather. (A denim jacket with an eagle patch on the back has worked well for me.) What about faux fur, you ask? If it’s convincing, skip it. I learned that on Veronica Mars. Anyhow, don’t sweat the small stuff — if your date grimaces upon seeing your leather watchband, you may have incompatibilities beyond diet.

Where to go: Beginner: Google “vegan [your city name]” or try Yelp for restaurant options. (At a “normal” restaurant and trying to avoid meat? Watch out for double-crossing foods possibly containing meat stock, like gravies or acorn squash soup.) Intermediate: Stay in and make soy milkshakes. Advanced: Since some vegans are really into animals (just not tasting them), consider volunteering at a Humane Society or animal shelter together. Or look for events thrown by a vegan, vegetarian, or animal-rights organization in your area. The Boston Vegetarian Society has monthly dinners and guest speakers.

What to talk about: Vegans might get sick of “How long have you …?” and “What made you decide to …?” Differentiate yourself with the more nuanced “So how long did it take you to adjust to not eating meat?” and “Fake meat, cool or gross?” More talking points:

• “Yeah, I try to avoid leather. A lot of fabrics have issues, like all those pesticides used to make cotton. And I guess pleather’s often made of PVC, so it gives off these funky chemicals when it’s created. We should prrrobably join a nudist colony.”
• “You know, PETA gets a lot of flak for their methods, but they’ve really done a lot for animals, like getting companies to stop animal testing or using fur. Although their treatment of women isn’t super-cool.”
• “I’ve thought about becoming a vegan once or twice. I eat meat in moderation and try to pick happy meat — you know, free-range animal products. And I try to just eat it as a side dish, not the main course. I think Michael Pollan suggested that?”

How to get down: Congrats, you’re about to sex a vegan! Legend has it that the sexyjuice of a vegan is sweeter than birdsong. (You’ll just have to find out yourself and report back.) But before vegan sexytime, learn yourself this: Many lubes are made with animal fat, so stock up on ethical options at sites like The Sensual Vegan, The Vegan Sex Shop, and Vegan Erotica, or make your own. Glyde makes vegan condoms (who knew condoms had milk protein in ‘em?). And Smitten Kitten sells animal-free bondage and fetish gear. “We have some floggers that are made of nylon rope … natural rope, and rubber, ” Smitten Kitten co-owner told Grist in 2005. “The same with the paddles, collars, cuffs, and whatnot. Totally leather-free, animal-product-free. “

So there you have it. Go forth and romance a vegan! And please tell me how it goes …

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Update: The results are in:

What should we call our new dating column?

• 67 percent — TreeShagger
• 33 percent — Treefucker