Stuff that matters


Amazon’s “advanced shopping technology” will end the greatest threat to humanity: long checkout lines.

The online retailer announced the arrival of Amazon Go on Monday, a grocery store that works sort of like a hotel minibar: When you want to purchase something, you pick it up off the shelf and walk out. Your smart phone — and the Amazon Go app — does the rest.

Currently, Amazon Go is only available at one 1,800-square-foot store open to Amazon employees in Seattle, but they plan on opening to the public in early 2017. This likely won’t come as welcome news to the roughly 850,000 cashiers working in grocery stores today — all of whom could be out of a job if Amazon’s model spreads.

But, hey, at least it’ll save the rest of us a couple of minutes waiting in line. Then we can use all that saved time to tackle our other most pressing issues: hat hair on picture day, no wifi signal in the bathroom, and mega corporations increasingly controlling all aspects of American life.