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As the world turns

World continues spinning on its axis.

Americans awoke Wednesday morning surprised to find that the sun still rises, 2 plus 2 still equals 4, and there are still eight planets in the solar system.

“I was shocked,” Seattle Democrat Mary Harris told Grist, “but when I looked out my window this morning, there were actually birds singing!”

Harris also expressed surprise that work was not canceled, her dog still needed walking, and the sky was not a roiling, flaming inferno.

“It’s almost like the world is 13.772 billion years old and will continue to exist despite what happens on planet Earth,” Harris continued. “Who knew?”