Unable to tell shiitake from Shinola? Don't know sea bass from a hole in the ground? Don't worry — as long as you're willing to pay a giant wad of cash every month, you never have to be confused about what a "vegetable" is again. For a mere $49 a month — only like a quarter of the average person's food budget! — Whole Foods will hold your hand while you purchase their exorbitantly priced groceries. In other words, if you're rich enough to eat healthy, you can spend more money to be assured you're eating healthy.

Their propaganda video is above, but allow me to spoil it for you: Whole Foods thinks you're dumb. But they also think they can use your (legitimate and otherwise) anxieties about healthy food in order to extract more of your money. And they're right, because if they weren't, Whole Foods wouldn't exist! Beat them at their own game by joining a CSA or starting a community garden, so you can avoid the cheap junk food trap without having to pay for the privilege.

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