Today we give a tip o’ the carp
To the bitterlings at PETA
Who’ve thought of yet another way
To make us better eatas.

Agog at all our fishy friends
That on sharp hooks have bitten,
They’ve launched a cutesy-boots campaign
Called, yes, “Save the Sea Kitten!

If fish were “kittens,” so they say,
You’d view them differently —
Your tuna would change if today’s lunch
Were Kitten of the Sea.

They’ve even asked that fishy towns
Give name-changing a look;
As one administrator said,
“Who wants to be on the hook*
(* … for being insensitive to kittens.” OK, I totally killed the meter there, but seriously, this guy missed his calling.)

Grist thanks its sponsors. Become one.

Fish, they say, have feelings too
They sing, and play with rocks
The algae is their ball of yarn
The sea their litterbox.

Time will tell if PETA’s stunt
Can really rock the boat —
Meanwhile, I end my pescy ode
With one more little note:

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If this all seems a stretch to you
And maybe kinda wussy,
Perhaps, like Piven, mercury
Will keep you from eating — uh, fish.