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Chris Colin's Posts


The Bush administration braces for eco-chaos

A series of internal White House memos obtained by Grist sheds light on the Bush administration's private response to increasing reports of looming environmental crises. Contrary to popular opinion, it appears President Bush is far from oblivious to the spate of dire ecological warnings that have emerged in recent months. In fact, his family's personal preparations for the approaching "zero hour" present a stark contrast to his public disregard for environmental crises. "Over-fishing will have emptied our seas of my favorite fishes in a matter of decades. I'm especially going to miss that one that puffs up like a bouncy …

Read more: Food, Politics


The environmental movement calls it a day

Surprising both longtime allies and adversaries, the environmental movement announced yesterday that it was sick of nature's indifference to its work, and would be wrapping things up Friday. "We're not mad, we're just ... moving on," a movement spokesperson said. "We're going to buy some nice clothes and go spend a few months in the Bahamas. We hear drinks there are like 75 cents." Former Greenpeace activists in the Bahamas. Sources within the movement indicate that the apparently sudden development had in fact been a long time coming, and that the number of "bruised egos" in the various eco-groups was …

Read more: Uncategorized


Bush’s global warming plan is just the tip of the iceberg

MEMO TO: All National Petroleum Unlimited employees FROM: Jack Morris, CEO Has this CEO gone soft, or was there something sweet -- nay, touching -- in the details of President Bush's new emissions plan? Rather than demand that we do our part to slow the pace of global warming, he's simply letting us volunteer! Friends, this man trusts us, and America's coal and oil industry must rise to the occasion. Emitting nothing but love. Critics have already called the president's plan a disappointment and hauled out wonky charts showing how similar voluntary programs failed miserably under the first Bush. But …


The U.S. takes the war against terrorism to the Amazon

United States military forces bombed the Amazon rainforest today, Pentagon officials said. The predawn assault targeted key habitats of several crucial wildlife species, thought to have been dug in for many years. "Parrots hate freedom," President Bush said in a press conference shortly after the first squadron of B-2s left a base in San Paolo. "We will locate those evildoers and smoke them out." At least 5,000 acres of dense forest have been leveled, and another 2,000 are currently burning, according to Brazilian authorities. A small number of animals were reported to have survived the initial strike, including jaguars, freshwater …

Read more: Politics