If I get really Zen sometimes I can forget I am equipped with a modem. (Photo by William Allen.)

If you find yourself at the Israeli biblical theme park Kfar Kedem and you see a flashing light, don’t be alarmed — you are not having a hallucination brought on by Talmudic scholarship and hummus. You are seeing a wireless router affixed to a donkey. 

Oh, do you think that’s weird? Did you think the point of going to a theme park — this one happens to be the Old Testament equivalent of Medieval Times, where you can do stuff like press olives and make bread and get dust in your face while doing it — is to have interesting experiences? Duh, no. The whole point of doing anything anymore, including but not limited to going to a biblical theme park, is to upload pictures and post them on Facebook so that other people can imagine that you’re having an experience. And for that, you need internet access, even if they didn’t have it in Torah times.

So, because so many visitors to this park were so dead set on uploading pictures of the fun they were having instead of having it, and at the same time they did not want to spend all their falafel money on roaming fees, park officials realized they had to put wireless routers all over the place. And they already had donkeys all over the place. So they put the wireless routers on the donkeys. Actually, that might be the 11th commandment: “If a donkey is not busy uploading photographs to the internet, verily may he be employed in so doing.”

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