Researchers in England were studying seaweed enzymes to see if they could clean bacteria off the hulls of ships, when they were suddenly struck by inspiration. We imagine it went something like this:

Bob: Dick, your breath stinks!
Dick: Sorry.
Bob: It smells like the hull of a ship that’s been out to sea too long!
Dick: Bob!
Bob: …
Dick: Oh my god!
Bob: We’re going to be rich!

In short, the seaweed enzymes also are good at neutralizing the bad, tooth-decaying parts of dental plaque. And although we’re sure that there’s a healthy market for seaweed-based hull cleaners, we’re pretty sure that market for toothpaste with natural ingredients is much larger. So that’s what these scientists are selling now — toothpaste made with seaweed enzymes. (Since they’re just using enzymes, the toothpaste won’t be black or green or taste like the ocean. We hope.)

This also means, of course, that if you eat enough sushi you will have beautiful healthy shiny teeth forever. Shut up. That is what it means.

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