It looks like wild orangutans are going to be extinct in my lifetime. * A pessimist would view this as a disaster, but as an optimist, I see only opportunity here. Not only do I plan to buy stock in Indonesian palm oil companies, but also I am thinking of marketing weather-resistant synthetic replicas of orangutans (see prototype above) to hang in the palm oil trees. I expect to garner a secondary income stream from tourists who will flock to the plantations to see them hanging in trees in an area that once harbored their natural habitat — a theme park if you will. Covering all bases, I will also corner the market on bumper stickers that read, “Boycott products made from palm oil!” **

The only hope I see is that the Chinese, who are funding these new palm oil plantations, will step in and insist on some kind of conservation plan, putting our version of capitalism to shame. What are the odds that a senior member of China’s ruling elite is reading this blog right now?

*Start of sarcasm.
**End of sarcasm.