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Articles by Chris Colin

Chris Colin is the associate editor for the People section of

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A series of internal White House memos obtained by Grist sheds light on the Bush administration’s private response to increasing reports of looming environmental crises. Contrary to popular opinion, it appears President Bush is far from oblivious to the spate of dire ecological warnings that have emerged in recent months. In fact, his family’s personal preparations for the approaching “zero hour” present a stark contrast to his public disregard for environmental crises.

“Over-fishing will have emptied our seas of my favorite fishes in a matter of decades. I’m especially going to miss that one that puffs up like a bouncy ball,” Bush wrote in one memo. “Anyway, I’ll need fish-replacements for my suppers. Therefore, Plan ‘Beeline for the Feline’ must be implemented by the year 2005 at the latest.”

Catburger supreme.

Beeline for the Feline, according to subsequent memos, will begin with a roundup of feral cats from various Washington, D.C., neighborhoods. The cats, said to resemble flounder in taste, will be filleted and frozen for future meals. Internal studies ... Read more

All Articles

  • The environmental movement calls it a day

    Surprising both longtime allies and adversaries, the environmental movement announced yesterday that it was sick of nature’s indifference to its work, and would be wrapping things up Friday. “We’re not mad, we’re just … moving on,” a movement spokesperson said. “We’re going to buy some nice clothes and go spend a few months in the […]

  • Bush’s global warming plan is just the tip of the iceberg

    MEMO TO: All National Petroleum Unlimited employees FROM: Jack Morris, CEO Has this CEO gone soft, or was there something sweet — nay, touching — in the details of President Bush’s new emissions plan? Rather than demand that we do our part to slow the pace of global warming, he’s simply letting us volunteer! Friends, […]

  • The U.S. takes the war against terrorism to the Amazon

    United States military forces bombed the Amazon rainforest today, Pentagon officials said. The predawn assault targeted key habitats of several crucial wildlife species, thought to have been dug in for many years. “Parrots hate freedom,” President Bush said in a press conference shortly after the first squadron of B-2s left a base in San Paolo. […]