Bringin' crazy Bach
Photo: DonkeyHoteyIt’s official: Michele Bachmann just kicked off her campaign to win the 2012 Republican presidential nomination by comparing herself to a clown-suit-wearing serial killer. In case anyone still needed a reminder of just how batsh*t crazy she is, we’ve collected more choice quotes highlighting both her intellectual acumen and her position on the environment (which basically amounts to her personal leprechaun telling her to “burn it all”). Gather round the caribou coffee klatch — and start the countdown till Mad Michele tops these howlers.
On the moral dangers of high-speed rail: “It is a brand new, billion-dollar high speed train that is going to go from Disneyland up to Las Vegas. … Harry Reid, the senator from Nevada, was behind this measure, and it makes us wonder, is he more interested in making sure kids start gambling at younger ages?”
On cozy, wildlife-hugging oil pipelines: “Some suggestions are that perhaps we would see an enhancement of wildlife expansion because of the warmth of the pipeline. … The [existing Alaska pipeline] has now become a meeting ground and ‘coffee klatch’ for the caribou.”
On the historic spread of infectious disease: “In the 1970s the swine flu broke out then under another Democrat president, Jimmy Carter. And I’m not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it’s an interesting coincidence.” [Actually, the ’70s outbreak occurred under Gerald Ford, not Carter. But whatevs.]
On resistance to cap-and-trade: “I want people in Minnesota armed and dangerous on this issue of the energy tax because we need to fight back.”
On toxic light bulbs: “Each (CFL) light bulb contains between 3-6 milligrams of mercury. … That poses a very real threat to children, disabled people, pets, senior citizens. And I just think it’s very important that Americans have the choice to decide, would they like an incandescent or a (CFL)?”
On the murderous EPA: “There is no other organization like the EPA. It should really be renamed the job-killing organization of America.”
On our newest endangered species — rich people: “I don’t know where they’re gonna go to get all this money, because we’re running out of rich people in this country. … Under Obama, big evil is now anyone with a joint income of $100,000 or more.”
If Batty Bachmann actually clinches the nom, she’ll need to stand up to withering opposition from the other side. We asked Grist readers what they’d say if they could hack Bachmaniac’s Twitter feed, and the results were vicious. Here are a few of our faves:
rkell: Three-way sexting with the Koch brothers
TweetMrBaker: It’s run for the presidency, or I sell clothing for pets on QVC. I’m good either way.
edgery: “help! I’m trapped & can’t get out out!” Michele’s brain
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