"No."

Still reeling from your failed marriage proposal to Jack in the Box’s bacon? (Don’t take it personally — bacon always leaves a greasy trail of heartbreak.) Cheer up, meatlover: You can still make that fast-food-themed forever commitment — but this time, with a human! And it only costs $10,010. Thanks for saving Valentine’s Day, Pizza Hut!

From One Foot Tsunami:

Pizza Hut has decided to get into the wedding business. Not content with ruining dinner, they’re now looking to ruin the wedding proposal too. Specifically, Pizza Hut is hoping to trick as many as ten idiots into proposing to their significant others with a big old box of disgusting.

Here’s a screengrab from their site:

And in case you’re blinded by all the red, here’s Pizza Hut describing the “deal”:

The $10 Dinner Box Proposal Package includes a ruby engagement ring, limo service, flowers, fireworks show, photographer, videographer and of course, most importantly, the mouth-watering new $10 Dinner Box.

That’s an engagement package women would literally shit their pants over. (Oh, calm down — we’ve all ordered a Sausage Deluxe Special in a moment of weakness and lived with the consequences.) Nothing says “eternity” and “one in 7 billion” more than a ruby ring picked out by a team of grease-pawed marketers. All I’m saying is that the bachelor party better have a steady supply of Dr. Pepper Ten. Amirite, fellas?

Seriously, though: For a living, breathing human to say yes to anything like this, either your relationship is more solid than day-old stuffed crust cheese, or you’re romantically involved with Herman Cain.

(h/t to my boyfriend, who better goddamn know better.)