flavored_water
Robynne Blume

Do you feel like your doctors and your more annoying friends are always telling you to drink more water? Well, they’re just trying to help. Water is so important for your health! Sadly, water tastes like, well, water. And since Americans eat like 100 pounds of sugar a year, the taste of water just isn’t good enough for us. Even though we are very lucky to have fresh water, we don’t get too excited about it — 20 percent of people say they just don’t like how it tastes (i.e., watery). What we do get excited about are artificially flavored, sugar-free water products.

This does not mean stuff like Vitamin Water, by the way. That has calories, which are almost as gross as water. It means new stuff, like a no-cal Vitamin Water spin-off called Fruitwater. And Mio, which is some tasty stuff you can squirt into water. (YUM.) And Dasani Drops. One of the selling points on the additives, according to the Wall Street Journal, is that they are “simpler to carry in a purse.” OK, next time I tell you I’ve purchased something because it’s “simpler to carry in a purse” please take me out back and shoot me.

Luckily, most Americans remain what the same article refers to as “water purists.” But the number of people who want water with flair is growing — hey wow, so is the likelihood of global apocalypse! Coincidence?