Woe betide you if you decide to drive your ironic vintage Yugo in Brooklyn instead of your fixed-gear bike with detachable mustache. Park Slope residents have had enough of those bullshit half-spaces that show up in front of cars when someone moves an SUV and it gets replaced by a compact. They’re so pissed off, they’re hauling out their letterpresses and feverishly hand-pulling artisanal parking tickets.
OK, these are actually laser-printed, but they’re still fully within the Etsy terms of service; the anonymously distributed two-page “tickets” are DIY right down to the made-up parking rules. There’s no official “citation” for parking too far from a fire hydrant, for instance. But the lack of legal backing hasn’t stopped these parking-meter Martins Luther from attaching their 95 theses to a slew of cars in the area.
Those half-spaces really are irritating as hell, and some of them certainly happen because most drivers are human-size buttocks with shoes. But they’re just as likely to be due to the fact that cars aren’t standard sizes. I’m willing to bet that someone who drives an extra-wee, extra-efficient vehicle gets these notices disproportionately often, because every time you tuck a SmartCar into the space left by a Suburban you’re going to end up with an awkward gap.
Try telling that to an outraged Park Slope yuppie, though. You’re likely to end up with a homemade okra pickle through the eye.