The modern Dillinger’s main target. (Photo by roadsidepictures.)

From The Atlantic Cities: a new rash of grease heists.

The latest report of grease theft comes from Quincy, Massachusetts, just south of Boston. In a down and dirty story, WBZ News Radio reports that two men made a big score off of the stored grease behind Cathay Pacific Restaurant. (Google review: “i thought the food was excellent, and very reasonably priced for the quality and portion sizes…. and no, i didn’t see any ‘hookers or drug dealers’ in the parking lot.”) They loaded up nearly $500 in fetid lipids before pulling out; a baffled detective told the radio station that this was a “new type of crime to us.”

“Fetid lipids”! The crime isn’t new; The New York Times first reported a grease theft in 1860. Though, admittedly, that wasn’t from a fast food restaurant. (It was probably a Starbucks.)

Why steal grease? To sell to biofuel processors. (Hopefully, anyway; not sure I’d want to know another reason for it.) There’s something encouraging about that, in a way: The market is strong enough to support a black market.

Anyway, this story needs more Simpsons.