But I’m looking at one right now. (Photo by Mehgan Heaney-Grier.)

You might have thought the federal government wouldn’t have to weigh in on an issue mainly popularized by Disney and 4-year-olds, but apparently you would be wrong. NOAA has made an update to its “Ocean Facts” site stating that mermaids do not exist, and “[n]o evidence of aquatic humanoids has ever been found.” Well, that’s a relief! Finally I can go swimming again without worrying that I’ll stumble into an underwater calypso party.

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Apparently it was an Animal Planet special on mermaids that sparked the debate — watchers spammed NOAA with questions until the agency was forced to respond. But as Slate points out, this is unlikely to be the last word on the matter:

After all, the agency has issued one report after another showing that the world’s climate is warming dramatically, and there are still a few conspiracy theorists out there who maintain that the science doesn’t hold water.

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Yeah, who are these politically motivated anti-mermaid “scientists” anyway, and what are they hiding? We should demand to see their supposed lack of evidence.