Earlier today, Prince Charles and Pope Benedict XVI met to discuss their shared environmental concerns, with Camilla looking on. With press reports so far scant on details, we are left to imagine the proceedings.

vaticanWe couldn’t find a free photo of the prince shaking hands with His Holiness, so we’re settling for a Flickr shot of St. Peter’s Square. Got a better photo?Argenberg via Flickr
His Royal Highness the Prince of Wales: Good morning, Your Holiness.

His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI: Good morning, Your Royal Highness. May I call you … Chuck?

HRHPW: Absolutely. May I call you Benny?

HHPBXVI: Not a chance.

Chuck: Ah. Well then, Your Holiness, shall we discuss our shared environmental concerns?

HH: Absolutely. But does she have to be here?

Chuck: Well, Your Holiness, she is my wife. Ipso fatso, if you know what I mean.

HH: I think you know how We feel about your current union, Chuck.

Chuck: Right, yes, the whole adultery thing. But we waited, didn’t we? And see how demurely she dressed, just for you. All in black, from head to toe, like a 102-year-old Italian widow. That’s just for you, Your Holiness. In fact, underneath that black outfit there’s this scarlet teddy that — oh, damn.

HH: I’m just going to pretend I didn’t hear that, Your Pervness. Let’s talk climate.

Chuck: Let’s do. As you know, Your Holiness — I couldn’t just call you Ben or something? Or Pope? It’s so much easier, the one-syllable name.

HH: Know what else has just one syllable? Hell. If by chance you end up there … it’ll be easy to say.

Chuck: Duly noted. As I was saying, I believe climate change poses a grave threat to our civilization.

HH: I concur. Did you know there are solar panels on the roofs here at the Vatican? And we became the world’s first carbon-neutral sovereign state back in 2007? How’s that going over there in Anglican-land, hm? Getting those emissions down?

Chuck: Well, it’s complicated. I don’t actually get to make policy, as you know, and —

HH: What do you make?

Chuck: Well I make a lovely organic oaten biscuit, Your Holiness. I should have thought to bring you some. Oh, which reminds me, I did bring you this set of dessert plates hand-painted with flowers. I don’t know that these will be of any help to you.

HH: Why thank you. Here’s some, uh, medals. And an etching.

Chuck: Your Holiness, I’m touched.

Papal Security: Time’s up.

Camilla: Oh thank Christ! Let’s go to lunch.