Record heat will rob us of peanut butter
Start getting accustomed to nothing and jelly sandwiches, Fluffernothings, and Reese's Nothing Cups. Record temperatures and droughts are projected to drive the price of peanut butter through the roof, with wholesale costs going up by as much as 40 percent, according to the Wall Street Journal.
The heat has made the peanut crop less than impressive, so fewer peanuts are being deemed worthy of butterfication. Inferior legumes get made into peanut oil, so peanut farmers aren't completely screwed. But the weather's been a disaster, so a much smaller percentage of the crop is being deemed edible. That means your ants will be falling off the log, and your Nutter Butters will only be Nutters. Thanks, climate change!
Scorching heat, especially in Texas, singed many peanut plants as they developed, leaving more peanuts destined to be processed into oil, rather than the edible quality that is shelled and turned into peanut butter. Only 38 percent of the US peanut crop was rated good or excellent last month, down from about 60 percent a year ago.
Regular old peanuts will probably also be rising in price, but who cares about those things? They're not even nuts. Posers.