Cause and effect

Here’s a sentence from a new story in the WSJ: The second-poorest state in the nation based on household income, West Virginia counts on coal to support its economy. May I suggest a rewrite? West Virginia counts on coal to support its economy; as a consequence, it is the second-poorest state in the nation based […]

Here’s a sentence from a new story in the WSJ:

The second-poorest state in the nation based on household income, West Virginia counts on coal to support its economy.

May I suggest a rewrite?

West Virginia counts on coal to support its economy; as a consequence, it is the second-poorest state in the nation based on household income.

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